As a Celebration of Life Planner, I often get asked about my best ideas for planning a stylish Celebration of Life. I help people create beautiful Memorial services and Celebrations of Life that are not only reflective of the person who has passed away but also events that are creative, elevated, and design worthy. When making decisions always consider your loved one’s favourites, your colour palette, the season and good event design elements.
Any event planner in Toronto (or any larger city) will tell you, there is an almost boundless amount of options. I am spoiled for options as a memorial consultant. There are spaces of every conceivable style. Historic, Tudor Style, Art Moderne, an Art Gallery, Industrial, Rustic, Trendy, Elegant, Minimalist…and many more. It is truly meaningful to have a dignified occasion in a place, that when we think of our loved one, we feel at home. That this place makes sense. The fairer weather allows for some elegant tenting options in the backyard or at the cottage. A favourite restaurant. The golf club. Your church. Be creative in considering what feels right and best. Practical considerations that may go into selecting a venue could be: size, location, parking, accessibility, hotel proximity and more. Understand what your family and guests’ needs are.
Decide on a colour palette or engage someone creative who can help you with this. Colour palettes should not be overbearing. It is a subtlety that will bring unity to the overall design and space. Created with your loved’s one favourite colours but also a palette that makes sense in your space (i.e. very dark colours in already dark space would get lost), and finally colours that also speak to the season. Pinterest has boundless inspiration for this. It’s so incredible when a Celebration of Life comes together where those colours appear in your memorial cards, guest book, florals, linens, hanging decor and even compliments the items on your memory table. Avoid too much of one colour and being too matchy..
Invest in flowers. They transform a space and create a mood, a time and a place. Get creative with florals or better yet work with an innovative florist like I do. I am partnered with local and independent Wild North Flowers, Toronto. They are the only florist in Toronto providing 100% Ontario grown flowers making them sustainable. One look at their creations on their celebrated Instagram and I was hooked.
Consider your loved ones interests as it may relate to flowers, plants and nature. For someone who had a singular love, fill the room with them, maybe it’s lavender, orchids or a wall of succulents. Hanging ceiling installations have been making an incredible appearance in a variety of events including memorial services. For the many gardeners out there, consider a magical garden inspired installation. Some people may not have favourite flowers but perhaps they love nature. They are well represented with wilder elements such as hanging branches, small potted trees and seasonal foliage. There are so many options to create pieces that suit and reflect the individual.
Pair the flowers with your space. Imagine a large garland wreath for above the mantle in the style of your historic venue. A rich, elegant venue would see large, decadent pieces whereas a simple, minimalist space would have florals of the same.
Incorporate your colour palette and the season. Your chosen colour palette will appear most dramatically in your flowers. Some flowers are only available in certain seasons if you choose local as I do. Among your custom pieces along the floor and tables could be potted Mums and white pumpkins, unmistakably autumn.
Using in-season fruits and vegetables integrated with your food and vignettes on beautiful trays and stands of varying heights are interesting elements that elevate your design. Some of my personal favourites are figs, pomegranates, apples, pears and lemons.
If you can’t take the florals home, there are some great donation programs that can bring beauty and comfort to others.
If you searched google to find out what this means, you would find many wedding centric photos, but they are employed in most well designed events. Spaces (event venues, churches, restaurants) can be at times large and busy or worse, empty and people don’t know where to look. Create a focused area with a couple of beautiful draped fabrics framing the wall. My favourite places for this is the entryway which can transport and usher your guests in, behind the memory table display, and behind a podium, if eulogies or a service is taking place. Plain walls and ceilings are utterly transformed. Carefully selected colour and fabric bring order to the room, compliment your florals, palette and create areas of focus. Draping adds to form and will facilitate good flow in a well planned layout.
Lighting may seem a fixed element but often can be much more. If you don’t have good natural lighting or it is an evening event, adjust the lighting if possible to create the environment you’re going after. Hanging lights near memory tables are whimsical. Warm, low lighting is the best to create an intimate environment as many memorials aspire to be. The use of candles is one of my most highly recommended styling items to help create that mood. This is of course if your venue allows for an open flame. It may be permitted only when candles are enclosed such as in a glass receptacle like a hurricane vase. As well, candle lighting has become a favoured element to memorial services. Bring in floor lights and table lamps to counter any fluorescents where you can and bring focus to areas you want to highlight.
Most people have photo slideshows which are fantastic. Do not put them with your memory table. The long viewing can cause a back up and you lose your flow. Give your slideshow a dedicated viewing area. Put a couple chairs in front of it as well for those who cannot stand. One item I often see at memory tables is photo albums which also can cause a flow issue. If you really want to have albums at the event, try placing them in different areas of the room, by arm chairs or on tables with seating where people can leisurely go through them.
Let your memory table be something else.
A tactile, nostalgic burst of personality and home of the person who you are commemorating. Most families are great at choosing memorabilia but there are unexpected items that can bring it up a notch making it a sensory experience. We want to create different heights, forms, texture and patterns. How does this translate? It could be choosing not just favourite books but the desk lamp under which they were read. Favourite throws, blankets, afghans, and the ladder or stand where they hang are personal and provide texture and pattern. On a smaller scale we can re-create their study or desk. Coffee table books, vases, candle holders, sunglasses, coat & scarf, jewelry, letter opener, travel souvenirs, art, sculpture, magazine rack with magazines are all fantastic ideas to bring into the space. For the coffee lover, their French press, a bag of coffee and their favourite mug. A woman who was a collector of fine gowns may be represented by showcasing on standing busts a couple of those dresses. For a chef and lover of food, an artful display of a cutting board, favourite recipe and their knife case. It is the everyday things that we use that may seem untraditional of a memory table but are most evocative in remembering the every day magic of our loved one. Part of my services as a Celebration of Life Planner are to help curate these items with families who might be overwhelmed with choice. Having cards or notes with favourite quotes and excerpts can complete a table by providing personality.
People will remember the food. Make it of a quality you’re proud to serve. Allow your Memorial Planner or caterer to create a menu that is in harmony with all of your elements, loved one’s favourites, theme (if chosen), season, and timing of the event. You can even bring in colour as custom desserts, cakes, macarons allow. For those having sit down meals there are a multitude of options which are best selected by a professional. Many Celebrations of Life have a drop in reception with a standing and seated combination style. This means the food needs to be small and easy to eat if if standing. Having passed canapés in addition to sandwich, charcuterie, cheese board, fruit, dessert and crudite works very well in these events. Creating a station that serves a well known favourite such as sushi or oysters is also a nice personal touch. Many guests in attendance at drop in events are not expecting to come and eat a full meal and so over-ordering is something I see often. Most caterers are now unable to pack up food due to liability reasons and therefore the food left is often wasted. A professional Memorial Planner or caterer will assist you in trying to find that place of having just enough. Even when we make lists and calls and attempt to come to a firm number of guests, the truth is we sometimes simply cannot predict how many will come. If there’s more than expected the food can be staggered. It is always a good idea to consider any special needs. In this day and age it is safe to perhaps have a couple vegetarian, gluten-free, and dare I say vegan options just in case. Also know if you need some child-friendly options that often includes juice. Knowing what to serve in terms of beverages will also be determined by the hours of your event. I encourage serving water, sparkling water, coffee, tea and occasionally a punch. A non-alcoholic sparkling cider is an elegant alternative to soft drinks (soda pop). I believe that wine and limited alcoholic offerings can enhance the event. A glass of Champagne or Prosecco can be just the right touch in having a toast before memories are shared. Have a professional make proper pairing suggestions with your food if you are not confident to do so yourself. They will also know how much to provide and often unopened bottles are refunded. It is also of note that alcohol is not always the right choice for your event as it is neither a requirement or expectation of a well done memorial.
Many other bespoke styling options exist and can be explored for your event such as custom rented decor, furniture, rugs, linens and plate and glass ware.
Theme: A theme doesn’t always work or make sense for a somber event. If you are planning a more lively celebration a theme can create joy by incorporating visuals of what was most loved by the person who has passed away. A theme may be a beloved homeland or simply a country they loved: England, Japan, Mexico, India or more than one for an avid traveller. Souvenirs, flags, photos, art and maps can be made to illustrate this passion of many. A theme can be a cherry blossom, high tea reflected in the decor, food and colours. It can truly be anything you think will be beautiful and will speak to a life well-lived.
Stationery/Invitations: While most events do not typically have personalized invites, they are a charming touch for more formal affairs and ones planned well in advance. It allows you to garner an R.S.V.P. Have a guest book, I have found many people are looking for where to sign in the absence of one. A personalized memorial card with a custom quote and photo is an item people seem to look for as well.
Children: If there will be children, especially small ones in attendance it is a good idea to have an area with a table set up for them with activities to help keep them busy.
Service and Eulogies/Remembrances Shared: Get connected to the right clergy or celebrant if your are having a service. You planner will assist you. Eulogies and sharing remembrances are a beautiful accompaniment or alternative to a service. Be aware of your guests and consider open mics carefully for the length of time. As part of my service, I offer a eulogy writer and public speaker who makes a good eulogy into a polished and eloquent one. He offers coaching on the delivery as well, especially valuable through a potentially emotional speech. He suggests in writing, to find that evocative moment and expand on it. When there is more than one person speaking or during a service, he recommends 5-7 minutes for an effective sharing.
Celebrations of Life Toronto endeavours to be respectful of the environment and to other living beings which is why we do not provide services for release items such as Doves, Butterflies, Paper Lanterns, et cetera. With the exception of a memorial card or bookmark, I do not typically recommend guest take away items such as photos, plant seeds, memorial stones and other nik naks. They are often discarded and create waste. If you have had people reach out interested in memorial items perhaps they could be sent in a thank you note after the event.
You can plant a memorial tree, or name a star, you can send your loved’s one ashes into space or have them made into a diamond or a painting. Of the many strange, interesting and expensive offerings out there, the most unique and appealing I have come across is where your loved one’s ashes can be made into a living reef.
