“I don’t want to call it a Funeral”. Throughout my career a sa funeral director I have heard families express a dislike for the term Funeral, or Celebration of Life, or Service of Remembrance.
I have heard that some people feel a Celebration of Life is a distraction to make a sad occasion fun and bright. I read an article where the author felt dictated to, that they must laugh and be upbeat. I have conducted many Celebrations of Life that were beautifully personal yet solemn. People did not wear bright colours. There was laughter…but also tears. My suggestion to those who don’t want to call it a “Celebration of Life” for themselves or their family…don’t.
Many religious faiths and cultures have terminology and customs in place. While a Celebration of Life is an alternative, some families are finding comfort in having it as an accompaniment later down the road after religious services have taken place. It can be what you want it to be, just as a Funeral doesn’t have to be terribly somber or have an embalmed body for public viewing. Perhaps we can allow each individual to call it what they want, to define it as they wish.
I am grateful that in these modern memorial times people still wish to hold an event to mark this occasion. We know that life is precious and loss is difficult. The psychological needs are at the centre of death for those left behind. That informs our actions, to engage in long held tradition or create a new tradition for ourselves and those who come after us.
Our intuition guides us to what gathering or service will be most healing. Our intellect may tell us to run, to avoid the unbearable pain of loss, to do nothing or allow others to say what is best. Hard as it may be, let us find some quiet space in our mind to hear what our gut is telling us.
Death challenges us to find meaning. Many of us aspire to find meaning in ways of serving others, loving our family, and growing our potential. In the midst of grief, finding meaning is much more difficult but we do it anyway because death has a way of forcing us to face our own mortality. I believe this search for meaning has given way to a wonderful movement where we look to celebrate life and show our appreciation for it even in our darkest hours.
Why are we called “Celebrations of Life”? For me, the term best encapsulates an innovative and personalized event that serves a growing population of the bereaved. I appreciate that the term was driven by individuals, the public, and their needs. I have no judgment for what people want to call that thing you do when a loved one dies. When people tell me what is best for them, I believe them.
